tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79613025966997776152024-03-23T10:13:49.525+00:00AZL Articles by Ayla HoldomAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-34463752191135004282018-07-20T00:19:00.001+01:002018-07-20T00:54:49.759+01:00All in a name: The Gender Recognition Certificate and what it really doesAs I read articles (usually wildly extrapolated) and social media messaging (hateful and determined to be more right than you) surrounding the <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/reform-of-the-gender-recognition-act-2004" target="_blank">current England and Wales Consultation on the Gender Recognition Act</a>, one thing strikes me: Very, very, few people have experience of what this act really achieves; with less than 5000 Gender Recognition Certificates (GRCs) having been issued since they became available in 2004 (I know this, because my number is in the high 4000's). While that sounds a lot, it's tiny compared with the current estimations for the numbers of trans people in the country (estimated anywhere from <a href="http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/guide-method/measuring-equality/equality/equality-data-review/trans-data-position-paper.pdf" target="_blank">65'000 to 300'000 </a>people, depending on how you measure it). Many simply don't feel the need to apply for one given how degrading and intrusive the current process is - for almost no practical return. Every single article I read though, would have you believe it was a passport to all sorts of magical places and that if handed out willy-nilly could be dangerously wielded by any old troublemaker. (Spoiler: it isn't a magical passport.)<br />
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I am, as it happens, one of those 5000. Ooh, get me! So I thought it might be useful to look, in really practical terms at what this trouble-making little document actually does.<br />
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I received mine in 2015, some 5 years after I first came out as trans and began finally living happily and fully as the only honest version of me that I know. This is the first time in 3 years that I've had to dig it out of the filing cabinet where it has lived since I received it, along with so many similar documents that 'may be useful one day'.<br />
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Here it is, the <b>mystical GRC</b>:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkBkmDmUbibj7tnRi7dI17uZa0kRvTQHiWhZYga8MXGvwSlm47H8eJZgYmn76iJzIxmbFs7lslLlJHzLncbs7RW-ggzhj_1R8iuO09AOK2qQ6m7ZoJ6I4WYF-cKQgKhtR5R7DmZEJwVbxD/s1600/InkedIMG_20180719_222644_LI.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkBkmDmUbibj7tnRi7dI17uZa0kRvTQHiWhZYga8MXGvwSlm47H8eJZgYmn76iJzIxmbFs7lslLlJHzLncbs7RW-ggzhj_1R8iuO09AOK2qQ6m7ZoJ6I4WYF-cKQgKhtR5R7DmZEJwVbxD/s640/InkedIMG_20180719_222644_LI.jpg" width="360" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gender Recognition Certificate - (from the existing 2004 Act)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Exciting right!?<br />
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I rebel against bureaucracy and unnecessary admin, which is why when some is looming I try to get it done and out of the way as soon as I can. That way, I get to feel all smug that the 't's are crossed and the 'i's dotted and I don't need to worry over it anymore. To get this particular bit of paper, I needed to send off some evidence that I was me and not, you know, some impostor. That sounds sensible, doesn't it? Checks and balances and such. Here are the key elements of what checks and balances amount to under the current system:<br />
<ul>
<li>Pay £140</li>
<li>Letter from two doctors confirming a diagnosis of gender dysphoria (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyCgz0z05Ik&feature=youtu.be" target="_blank">modern term: gender incongruence</a>).</li>
<li>Proof that I've 'lived in my acquired gender' for at least two years.</li>
</ul>
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What this amounts to, is having to prove and justify that I'm me to an unknown panel of people I'll never meet, seeking their validation against an unknowable standard. I submitted all they asked for, only to be called back a few weeks later to suggest the proof I'd sent might not be sufficient for the panel. So I ended up sending a pack of evidence two inches thick. It came back after a couple of months proclaiming that I'd succeeded. It didn't feel like a success. I felt dirty.<br />
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Don't get me wrong; having the state recognise me and correcting the name and gender on my birth and marriage certificates, meant an awful lot. The GRC itself though - that document represented prostrating myself for approval and validation. An anonymous group of people (I don't know their qualifications, nor am I able to find out) reviewed my supplied evidence and kindly agreed with me that I was valid. I sure as hell didn't need their validation - I was valid long before <i>they</i> gave me permission to be. That process, and the form proclaiming I'd 'passed' their tests is what left me feeling cold.<br />
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So after receiving the GRC, I could rectify my birth and marriage certificates* and finally inform HMRC to do the same, as they are the only government department that requires a GRC to alter the gender marker on their system (this is primarily for the purpose of pensionable age, <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/transgender-woman-pension-payments-uk-government-european-court-justice-ruling-a8417476.html" target="_blank">which is itself proven legally unnecessary</a>). That's it. All said documents were sent into a filing cabinet where they, presumably, still are. When was the last time you needed a birth certificate? Do you even know where your birth certificate is? Or the last time you needed it? It actually says on the bottom, <span style="background-color: white;">"Warning: A certificate is not evidence of identity"</span>. In fact, the GRC says the same thing. If it's not a form of ID (unlike a passport which is ID and is pleasantly easy to change your gender marker on<i> long </i>before you consider a GRC), then what nefarious use can it be put to and what special locations does it grant access to?</div>
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Actually, now I think of it, the last time I needed to present my birth certificate was for a <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/disclosure-and-barring-service/about" target="_blank">DBS check</a> when I began work for the police and I think I may have needed to send it off to my solicitor for purchasing a house. A DBS check is in-depth and can be dealt with by a sensitive applications team to preserve privacy. However, for the house purchase or similar, if my birth certificate didn't match my passport - well, I don't feel I should have to randomly disclose that I'm trans, but without a corrected birth certificate matching my easily-corrected passport, I'd have to. That's deeply personal stuff and bears no relevance to my eligibility for buying a house. For someone else, perhaps someone much younger than myself, having lived their entire young lives in their affirmed gender and not public about being trans, this tiny lack of state recognition holds serious potential for infringement of privacy and personal safety. And for what purpose?<br />
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This is all a GRC does. This is the cause of all the spin-off and over-hyped concern about invasion of gender-segregated spaces and services. Incidentally, the thing that does enable someone to be protected in a single-gender space is the Equality Act 2010 and that, the government says, <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/reform-of-the-gender-recognition-act-2004" target="_blank">is very much not up for amendment</a>. The protection of gender identity under this existing law comes not from a panel or a diagnosis, but entirely from the individual. We've had effective self-determination for 8 years already and most people have barely noticed. Yet to the trans people it affects, it means safety and dignity.</div>
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This text, lifted straight from the <a href="https://consult.education.gov.uk/government-equalities-office/reform-of-the-gender-recognition-act/" target="_blank">government's consultation page</a>, is seemingly overlooked by most reporting on it, but is absolutely excellent in describing the limits of this consultation:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"This consultation seeks your views on how best to reform the process of changing one’s legal gender. The consultation focuses on the Gender Recognition Act 2004. We are not proposing any amendments to the Equality Act 2010.</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"This consultation does not consider the question of whether trans people exist, whether they have the right to legally change their gender, or whether it is right for a person of any age to identify with another gender, or with no gender. Trans and non-binary people are members of our society and should be treated with respect. Trans people already have the right to legally change their gender, and there is no suggestion of this right being removed. This consultation simply asks how best Government might make the existing process under the Gender Recognition Act a better service for those trans and non-binary people who wish to use it."</span></blockquote>
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Changing birth and marriage certificates isn't changing much for trans people on a practical level day-to-day - it certainly didn't for me. It just feels right that my country is able to acknowledge who I am and to know that there's less chance of conflicts in documentation or public record into the future. Could I perhaps have got that tiny but personally important bit of admin sorted through some form of legally-accountable declaration, perhaps through a local solicitor? Something like that is a key improvement that GRA reform is proposing.</div>
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So what of the existing outdated and presumed-important checks and balances anyway? What controls me being able to get that bit of paper that is ultimately cast to the 'that's probably important' drawer at home, never again to see daylight?</div>
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The diagnosis of gender dysphoria is itself a bit of a misnomer - in every practical sense we generally diagnose ourselves. I didn't catch it; I just am. The few doctors I spoke with (and they were few) took just a few minutes to say, "Nothing wrong with you is there?" before writing a letter that ruled out confounding issues to support my being gender dysphoric. In one of my referral letters, the psychiatrist actually states, "I do not believe that I can be considered a specialist in gender identity." That's the thing we rarely say about gender incongruence - no one else has spent time in my head, so I effectively diagnosed myself. The doctor's assessment was based on what I told them over a 30-minute consultation and how they perceived me in that short time. Because assessment is in no small part subject to social stereotyping by the individual doctor, it's hardly by itself a watertight element of a legal application. We've not even mentioned that not every trans person feels they suffer from a form of gender dysphoria. </div>
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One of the documents I submitted was a letter from the surgeon who performed my 'lower surgery'. A really lovely and very experienced Thai doctor. I included this in my evidence because, while not an official prerequisite for a GRC application, it is presumed that THE SURGERY (<span style="font-size: x-small;">TM</span>) provides some sort of final approval to be you (both reductionist and untrue). Either way, this lovely chap included the line at the end of his discharge letter, "She may now assume female gender." Thanks love, that's extremely sweet of you to say... but I already was and would have continued to be even if I'd decided I didn't need this particular medical intervention. I included this letter because I presumed that it would help convince strangers that I was valid enough. I can't begin to explain how degrading and belittling it is to feel you must do that.<br />
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The two years living in your affirmed gender is a better check, surely? No cheating that. In fact, that can work against someone like me and the system itself, primarily because we do not know what qualifies as 'woman enough' or 'man enough' to the GRC panel. I had heard from friends who'd been turned down for a GRC because, despite living honestly as themselves for many years, they had put gametes into storage (something I have also done). The reasoning was given, that wanting to preserve your ability to parent (in this case, father) your own children displays a lack of 'commitment'. What about my love of engineering and tech, or my wearing jeans and no makeup most days - am I 'committed enough'? I hid these details, including my planned hope of being a parent someday, just in case it harmed my case. I just provided them the stereotype I thought they wanted. I provided only the evidence they wanted - without even a face-to-face meeting. Not the surest defense against ne'er-do-wells. A demeaning hurdle for the likes of me.<br />
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And the cash; well that's a lot for a replacement document. Even a marriage certificate or replacement birth certificate cost far less.<br />
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In the end, I felt no great joy from receiving my GRC beyond the relief that any administrative loose ends had been sorted out. It was a means to an end and had almost no impact on my day-to-day life before or since. It certainly didn't grant me sudden access to places I'd found myself barred from before. I continued to use the ladies loos, as appropriate. I would find myself placed in the women's ward in hospital, as appropriate, all without having to present a document to prove I'm woman enough. If heaven forbid, I found myself in need of a refuge from domestic violence or sexual assault, I would find help with <a href="https://www.closethegap.org.uk/content/resources/Scottish-Womens-Sector-response-to-the-consultation-on-proposed-changes-to-the-Gender-Recognition-Act.pdf" target="_blank">any number of women's shelters that have been caring for all women, including trans women, for years</a>.</div>
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Enough of the nonsense proclaiming the GRC does something special - because it barely does anything at all. But the little bit that it does, might mean the world to someone like me. We can afford to make that process a little dignified.</div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">* I actually waited a couple of years to submit my application for a GRC, while the UK's same-sex marriage act came into effect. Nothing changed in practical terms throughout the equal marriage debate and establishment of law. I lived with my wife the entire time, we stayed married and we loved one another throughout. All that changed were the words on one bit of paper to enable a change to another bit of paper. The whole thing wasn't about lived reality of who we love and who we are, simply the nomenclature we give it all!</span></blockquote>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-55348217933483357992017-03-05T17:02:00.000+00:002017-03-05T18:52:19.092+00:00Are you real? No, really?<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Another weekend, another debate about the validity or 'realness' of trans people across the mainstream press (led by the Sunday Times rather than the Mail this time, but even the BBC get in on the act with alarming regularity - it matters not).</div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
My trans friends will get it, as they too are taking another blow to their self-worth, but I wonder if my non-trans friends really understand the impact seemingly innocuous debates like this have? To use myself as an example; I'm doing okay in life now I think, wit<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">h a wonderful loving family (on both sides), a wife I love with all my heart and a great and exciting life we continue to build together. I have a stable job that I love plus I get to fly helicopters (which is cool!) while helping protect our communities alongside the Police Forces I work for. I'm proud of all I am and think myself resilient to nonsense and very public debates such as, "Am I a real woman?"</span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br /></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 6px;">
But it's like Chinese water-torture as it feels like every week we're subject to it. Are trans kids real, or all made up? Are trans women real, or just made up? The arguments can be torn apart in moments, but crop up again all the same. Always with the angle... are trans people real? Naturally I, like all trans people, translate this personally - am I real? Don't forget, we've often spent a lifetime battling that very question before having the courage to come out in a society that is going to question us. Constantly.</div>
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I feel real. The things I do, how I think, how I live, how I love... all feels real. I don't spend my time wondering how I'm going to fool the world into believing my little act, I just am. For the first time in fact. Prior to coming out as trans, every day really did feel like an act, but now, not at all. I feel honest and real for the first time. I have freed up all that angst and conflict and am able to put it to far better use. To living.</div>
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Yet, I've spent this afternoon in tears. My sense of self-worth torn apart again by a nonsense and dehumanising 'debate' around whether I am real or not. The natural extension of which is that I don't <i>deserve</i> to feel right about myself.</div>
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Think about that. I don't deserve to feel right about myself.</div>
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This is not an innocuous debate. All trans people and those in their lives are deeply affected by these debates. And for what purpose?</div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">My main concern, is if I feel like this (as I know all trans people and their loved ones do in these moments), with all the resilience and foundation I feel I have, what the hell chance does someone already finding life harder than I do have?</span><br />
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Please, if you are a friend of mine or of any trans person, or friends with anyone with a trans family member, or if you simply want to care, take a moment to consider the effect of these debates and these public conversations. Just consider it. Then consider how you'll react the next time a casual debate like this happens in front of you.</div>
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I'm just me. And I'm trying my best.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-27466410853559437212017-02-12T18:21:00.001+00:002017-02-15T10:58:43.660+00:00Vision for Change - why I'm #ByTheirSide<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">In summer 2016, Stonewall launched their <a href="http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/07/04/stonewall-launch-powerful-new-campaign-encouraging-lgbt-community-to-stand-together/">#ByYourSide
campaign</a>, encouraging consideration of solidarity and support, particularly within LGBT networks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That year I experienced the meaning of that simple phrase and how it
works both ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only are Stonewall by
my side, but I am also by theirs.<br />
<br />
Six months earlier, Stonewall recruited for their <a href="http://www.stonewall.org.uk/trans-advisory-group">Trans Advisory Group</a>
– a group of 18 individuals, each identifying as transgender in their own way. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was delighted to be one of those
individuals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quite an unlikely bunch, as
many teams are, we came from very different backgrounds and experiences, all shapes
and sizes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I now feel incredibly
close to each of them (as they, I hope, also do!) is testament to the amount of
work we’ve done together in the past year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">We have <a href="http://www.stonewall.org.uk/sites/default/files/a_vision_for_change.pdf">produced
a vision</a>, but we are just 18 individuals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is a starting point, and we now <a href="http://www.stonewall.org.uk/our-work/campaigns/trans-equality/vision-for-change">need
your input and your critical analysis to make sure this is also your vision</a>.
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">We need you
to be critical if you can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's worth
stating that it feels unnatural to me being in the position of 'accepting'
feedback from people who are far more knowledgeable than I am in many subjects.
The point of the Stonewall Trans Advisory Group though, is to listen to and
interpret an extremely diverse community, not to pretend to have all the
answers already.<br />
<br />
Getting to this stage, from a blank sheet of paper, has been as challenging as
it has been rewarding for all of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
this was just a warm-up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its value will
come from this most critical phase of consultation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To capture and get right as much as we can,
directly from the trans community and formulate that into something coherent we
can use.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If just 18 people had got this
right first time around, with no gaps or need for amendment, would be near-impossible.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What have we missed?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What should we change?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How can this help Stonewall help you better?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That's precisely why we need this phase.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><br />
Stonewall have been of huge assistance with facilitating, but they were adamant
that they wouldn't just do it for us (at times, when it felt like wading
through treacle, I think all of us had moments of wishing they would!). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In that, Stonewall have kept their word. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What's in this document, including any errors
and gaps, are ours to take ownership of and to remedy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">At this
stage, for this vision, we need to have the right balance of addressing
pertinent issues, while being both accessible and meaningful to a wide range of
people. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With so much content, we have felt
it is important to retain a level of brevity for the sake of clarity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By nature therefore, this may feel like a
'shallow dive' into these subjects - the detail coming in the form of focused
projects, engagements and collaborations in the months and years to come.<br />
<br />
I can’t lie, I like Stonewall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their no-nonsense style, their
reach, and from what I have consistently witnessed, their honesty in their
mission – Acceptance without exception.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
Stonewall were late – in relative terms – to the trans-party was telling of
their history on the subject, but also signaled to me that there was a conscious choice to not
simply wade in and appropriate an entire community’s struggles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="http://www.stonewall.org.uk/sites/default/files/trans_people_and_stonewall.pdf">Stonewall
and Ruth Hunt in particular, have written extensively on this</a> and I do thank
them for the process they took to begin trans-related work. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m young (don’t laugh) and naïve perhaps and
so wasn’t alert personally to the Stonewall-related issues of the past, but I
am acutely aware of them and the echoes of this still heard and felt today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Out of respect for history and those affected
in this time, I retain a level of caution over Stonewall making even
subconscious errors of judgement; though they have consistently proven to me
that I (and we) can trust their judgement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This process could have been easy for them, but was deliberately not so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That would have been wrong, and destined to
fail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Given their commitment to the
process, I’m committed to helping them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I was asked
in an interview recently what I loved most in life and the first thing that
jumped to mind was a love of seeing complex systems truly working, to beautiful
effect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether that is the complexity
of physics and engineering which allows my helicopter to fly as it does, or
Space X’s Falcon 9 rocket to land vertically on a boat. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or trying to understand how many tiny and
seemingly chance interactions and events lead to the evolution of a species or
the functioning of an entire ecosystem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tiny
discrete inputs can create wondrous things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">People
though, and politics are something I struggle with. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An effect of growing up on a farm with goats
and Harris’ Hawks as my most immediate friends, perhaps?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I </span>recognise<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> this limit, so ask for help where I can.<br />
<br />
Combining these things together, in a tenuous way, I find myself where I
am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Proudly stood with a group of 18
others, trying to empower many inputs from an amazing and complex community. All with the goal of forming lasting foundations together for our future generations.<br /><br />Individual inputs can lead to wondrous things...<o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-61292768595030607562016-11-20T12:14:00.000+00:002016-11-20T12:23:53.133+00:00A short note of solidarity - Transgender Day of Remembrance 2016<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Transgender Day of Remembrance has, and always should have, a rightful place in the calendar of trans people and their allies, as a marker of respect and solidarity with those paying the ultimate price for simply being themselves. The names on this list, </span><a href="http://transrespect.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/TvT_TMM_TDoR2016_Map_EN.pdf" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">those murdered around the world for being trans</span></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> number nearly 300 this year and is a known underestimate.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These names do not feel foreign or distant, despite my absolute luck to be living in a country like the UK. They feel like friends, or even family that I never knew and their loss felt as keenly. Because we shared a deep kinship. Despite the distances between our many cultures, a familiarity within the wide variety of transgender experiences permeates – simply seeking a place in the world where we can be ourselves, without apology; to live and love and succeed in life. Simple, human, needs.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">TDoR reminds me, and us all, of the great disparity around the world for trans people. It leaves raw my own extreme privilege at being able to life my life, as fully as I do; while others in the world don’t just struggle for their basic human rights, but against violence and for their very lives. If it weren’t for the sheer luck of the country and family I was born into, that would just as easily have been me, or any of us.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The silver lining, is the solidarity felt at this time of year. The luck and privilege surrounding my trans experience, must be the default. As an instinct, survival is a powerful one to draw us together and continue to make sure </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">no one</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, in any country or culture, is left behind.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mourn, remember and respect those kin on Sunday. On Monday, we have work to do.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Much love at this time of year,</span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-66000c56-7efa-52d1-9549-b24f35c16b9b"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ayla x</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-54261194681823661462016-03-31T10:04:00.002+01:002016-03-31T16:04:12.665+01:00Pride and Visibility<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">- (originally posted on the Stonewall UK Blog - <a href="http://www.stonewall.org.uk/our-work/blog/trans-day-visibility">http://www.stonewall.org.uk/our-work/blog/trans-day-visibility</a>) -</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Last year I wrote a <a href="http://www.azl.me.uk/2015/03/transgender-day-of-visibility.html">quick
article</a> about Transgender Day of Visibility. I was sat in a bar in a hotel in Chicago at
the time, visiting for a few days while doing a bit of engagement work for the trans
movement. I love traveling and exploring
in general, so spent a day before and after the meetings seeing a bit of the
city, feeling incredibly lucky to be there at all. Actually, I’m often amazed just where the
work I do with the trans community takes me, the places I never thought I’d end
up and the variety of amazing people I never expected to meet or call friends. I was also relishing the fact of simply
living in the world at all and enjoying the beautiful details around me (large
and small - the sunlight reflecting from a skyscraper, or the melting snow on
the shoreline of Lake Michigan) which I often missed in the darkest times of my
own gender dysphoria before I finally came out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hooking up with trans advocates in the US and hearing first hand about the <a href="http://www.advocate.com/transgender/2015/08/26/us-transgender-military-ban-end-may">battles
they have fought</a>, the <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/obamas-quiet-transgender-revolution/2015/11/30/6879527e-95e4-11e5-b5e4-279b4501e8a6_story.html">incredible
steps toward success they have had</a> and witnessing the momentum that has
built up in the fight for trans visibility, inclusion and respect, echoed the
successes made in the UK and other parts of Europe by so many true trailblazers
in the past 10-15 years. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both there and
here, I am always impressed by the talent and passion of those I meet and even
those I haven’t and the work they do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Great articles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Great
speeches.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Leaders, teachers, vloggers,
writers, media celebs, artists, soldiers, firefighters, doctors… No one,
surely, can argue that these people are in any way a drain on society.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would take a work of defiant and determined
ignorance to avoid seeing such glaring and wonderful humanity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or to believe that they made some sort of
social choice to be trans, given the all too common backstory of pain and
anguish so many experienced to finally be who they’ve always known themselves
to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all that, you’d expect the
world to say, “Bloody well done,” and have utmost respect for their integrity,
honesty, resilience and commitment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I’ve agonised for days over what to write for TDoV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel there’s so much to say, but that it’s
all been said, somewhere, by someone and probably far more eloquently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are so many incredible and diverse role
models out there that I wonder what extra I could add.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The successes the trans community have had
though, have come about because of the number and variety of voices being
heard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From the mutual support and
allies that generates. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I keep launching
into great paragraphs of explanation and nuance, but ultimately it comes down
to a pretty simple concept.</span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span>
<!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Life works beautifully when people have pride being themselves.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">All the additional nonsense derives from how we either enable,
or block, that simple thing from happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s why events like TDoV are so wonderful, amid a storm of negativity
and <a href="http://www.thenation.com/article/the-ugly-fantasy-at-the-heart-of-anti-trans-bathroom-bills/">serious
concern about the future for trans people</a>, which varies intensely from
country to country and state to state and knowing that young trans people
growing up now are playing a lottery as to whether they are surrounded by loving
support and empowering messages leading to a happy and full life; or a daily
drip-feed of crushingly dehumanising language and alienation, leading to a life
that should have been. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The choice is our’s as a society, which option we’re going
to make a reality. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is that stark.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This is where visibility is critical and the sharing of confidence and honesty
inherent with that act.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It smashes
taboos, it provides language and a framework to what is possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I would love to see, is moving that
visibility ‘beyond trans’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing that
gender identity is just a facet of humanity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you are able to, be proud of being or knowing someone trans, talk about
it, and then talk about all the other things that make you and them
amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all role model for those
around us, including allies, many of who we as a trans community owe an impossible
amount to for the changes they’ve helped enable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trans visibility and trans pride not only
empowers other trans people, in particular the younger generation, but the
friends and colleagues around them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I gave a talk recently to the workers of a fantastic social
housing organization in Hertfordshire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Afterwards,
a burly looking tradesman came to chat with me and said the biggest hurdle for
him being an ally for any diversity element, is the feeling of treading on
eggshells around these topics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While
being an absolute ally at heart, he felt uncertain being so proactively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone who could naturally be a great great
ally, is unnecessarily restricted.</span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span>
<!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you’ve done any reading about gender identity or listened
to someone try to explain it to you, you’ll know it can quickly become a tangle
of terminology and caveats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It turns out,
this is because humans are a pretty diverse bunch who won’t fit neatly into labeled
boxes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Faced with a potentially daunting
array of opportunities to get it wrong, most people I meet elect to avoid the
detail and move straight to the simpler humanising solution – “She’s just doing
her thing and that’s right for her…” etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s great for individuals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They, as allies may even pass that on to a close friend or colleague and
remember the experience next time they meet a trans person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, they’ll not have the confidence to
discuss it any further.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my
experience, they’ll not often have the confidence to stand and challenge conversation
or banter that perpetuates harmful and alienating stereotypes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their heart may well be in the right place,
but they’ll not know what to do about it, or even if they need to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Our greatest collective responsibility is in the simple
daily actions to normalise and de-stigmatise – to build bridges.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I’ve benefited first-hand from the effects of positive visibility
and the quiet effect this has on perceptions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Within the UK military before 1999, being trans would have been the sole
reason for discharge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After European legislation
and UK military policy changed around that time, trans people found themselves able
to continue serving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The genuine
trailblazers of that time (note that they are not the new-wave ‘firsts’ – self included
– the media so gleefully but incorrectly refer to over a decade later) set the
standard, recognised as professional and equal to their peers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They wonderfully and without undue fuss, humanised
the entire experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the time I
came out, it was not a scary unknown and I found genuine and consistent support
from military peers young and old (and old and bold!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Frankly, we just wanted to get on with our
role and didn’t need to make a big deal of this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perfect!</span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span>
<!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">TDoV and the continuing work throughout the trans community
is making that message heard by all that still need to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not just heard, but believed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The message of pride and positivity needs
embedding in our culture so that it’s there and ready to be heard by anyone who
needs it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are all, whatever your
gender identity, responsible for enabling that.</span><br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Relish your innate pride and that of those around you, then
share it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s one of the greatest gifts
you can give.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-67005331214267024662015-09-18T22:04:00.000+01:002015-09-18T22:13:45.886+01:00Transcript - Stonewall Keynote, 17 April 2015<div class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've been asked if I would add here the transcript of the speech I gave at Stonewall's Workplace Conference on 17 April 2015. It's rough, as it was meant to be spoken rather than read, but here it is anyway, in raw...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />______________________________________________________</span><br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Stonewall's Workplace Conference, 17 April 2015</span></h3>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was initially filled with
trepidation in accepting the honour of addressing you at this conference
today. Trepidation quickly giving way to
disbelief and finally fear when I realised just who had stood here before me
and who’s shoes I have to fill. My
dubious thanks then to Ruth Hunt and Caroline Ellis who are about to discover,
like you, that I’m just a simple pilot. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not a CEO in charge of half a
million employees. Nor a Baroness. Nor a minister in charge of a country – All
previous speakers here. No. I'm a fairly simple Search and Rescue pilot
who considers it a good start to the day if I manage to feed the cats <i>and </i>find a <i>matching</i> <i>set</i> of bra and
pants before leaving for work. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sirs, Ma’ams, Ladies and Gentlemen. My bio describes me as a proud member of the
RAF Search and Rescue Force and that couldn’t be more true. I’m proud of these (medals), of these (rank
bars) and of these (wings). I am stood here in my formal uniform, rather
than my more usual flying suit, both of which hold fairly overt symbology. I am <i>equally</i>
proud though, to be a part of the transgender community. There is no overt symbology for me on that
score though, and to show my pride in this, I have to talk about it… </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In this company, any pride may seem
obvious, but apply that statement slightly wider and it is one that may not
traditionally fit. I spent the first few
years since my coming out as trans wrestling with whether to keep that fact secret
or not once my transition was over. Many
of my close friends advised that I should, for very sound reasons of personal
safety and avoiding discrimination – you don’t seek to face bigotry,
discrimination or worse still become known simply for being trans at the
expense of everything else about yourself. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Two things ultimately stopped me
from hiding my trans-ness. 1) The Sun
Newspaper – more on that later. 2) The unblinking support of my employer who
have supported trans individuals openly serving since 1999 – I often tell the
story which symbolises this for me perfectly; of the grizzled guard on the gate
at RAF Valley. He was the guy who
greeted me on my first day presenting at work as myself, but with my old ID
card in hand which didn’t exactly look like me anymore. The guard, a man from a very different era of
Diversity and Inclusion, threw up a salute, smiled, and said “Ma’am, you aren’t
the first and you won’t be the last. Good luck to you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p> </o:p> </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What he didn’t realise then, and
probably still doesn’t, is the importance simple actions like his played in
making it even possible for trans people like me to contemplate having pride in
that part of themselves. You see, the
important people in this aren’t just people like me, not really. The people surrounding me are. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Allies. Are you spotting a theme today? Allies are brilliant for a number of reasons
and if you suspect you might be an ally I hope you know just how important you
are. It’s very obvious for someone like
myself to stand up and advocate for trans people. But the relationships a person has throughout
their lives are just as important as the individual. When you get down to it, how one relates to
the world, as their innate self, is a critical element of what being trans
actually is. It stems from deep sense of
self, but is experienced externally. Dr
Jay Stewart does a fantastic TED Talk on this very subject and explains gender
far more eloquently than I could – Highly recommended viewing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p> </o:p> </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Highlighting those positive
relationships, be they professional, casual, romantic or otherwise, is a
powerful statement, putting a person in context. By doing so overtly, even in very small and
casual ways, each of you are in turn giving permission to others to do the same.
The power of this simple act can’t be
undersold. But it only works if that
message is heard. With a subject as
personal and sensitive as being transgender, where confidentiality and respect
for personal boundaries are so important and married to a minefield of
terminology and differences in lived experiences, it’s actually understandable
that some would feel uncomfortable or unqualified to pass comment. It’s just one reason why I… felt a huge sense
of progression… when Ruth began Stonewall’s thorough consultation with the
trans community. I won’t hold back in
voicing my support of that and the <i>way</i>
the process was conducted. It can be a
tricky road to begin, but we truly are stronger together and I thank Stonewall
for their vision.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This, to me, is a sign of
progression and of evolution. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A trans friend described my
transition to me just this week as a ‘Gold Plated Transition’. I’ve kept my career, my beautiful wife, Wren,
her and my families’ love and so much more besides. In retrospect, I can say that, well of course
I kept all those things, why shouldn’t I have?
In the run up to my coming out though, I felt that each and every one of
these things could so easily be lost. I
almost expected it. That I was left with
no other way to continue life (in a very real sense) without being braced to
lose everything I loved, is small testament to the anguish anyone who’s
experienced gender dysphoria can relate to.
Everything I had learned through my life about trans people; subtle and
overt jokes, the tabloid stereotype, the chat-show victim’s story, the lack of <i>anyone</i> visible who hadn’t lost at least
some of those things, alongside their dignity as a person. That lifetime of education forced me to
believe, above all other things, that I absolutely, certainly could not be ‘one
of them’. If I was, then I knew my fate. It was a certainty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p> </o:p> </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Except, I did know of some trans
people who were respected, who were living full and… well, normal lives. And some of them even worked in the same
sector as myself. They were quiet about
it, as was befitting of the time, but in a small world, I <i>had</i> met them. I’m not sure
they know just how important they were to saving my life. They gave me a glimmer of hope and of
possibility. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I remember vividly the weekend that
I resolved to live the rest of my life as myself. My biggest fear, after trying everything I
could to live as the male character people assumed I was, was that I could die
one day without anyone ever having known who I was. Even the people I loved the most would never
have known me. This was the void that
had always been within me, and always remained; even after ticking all the
boxes of success that I could, and whatever I tried to hide this fact (even
from myself), that aching void remained. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That weekend, my parents called me
and offered their love and support… whatever happened. Dad, bless him, in typical dad style, had
been on Google researching and proceeded to teach me all the things he’d
learned about being transgender! </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p> </o:p> </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I recognised instantly how
fortunate I had been. I huge slice of
that fortune was my family… my wife. A significant enabler though, was the
policy and (after 10 years’ of experience), the ethos of the RAF. I could ask my boss for a meeting, come out
(simple really!), and while he looked at me with a look that exclaimed, “Look, I
want to help, but know nothing about this!” I could hand him a copy of the
policy document that explained exactly what could happen next. I promised him as much support in return as I
was asking from him and my colleagues – it would be a transition for them as
well, of course. From that day on, we
both moved forward with a policy of honesty and pragmatism. He was my rock and one of the most natural
leaders I’ve had the pleasure to serve with.
As an individual, as a unit and as an organisation, we were served well by
the policies in place and came out the other side fitter for it. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I went through a process of coming
out to a few people at a time, wanting to use my own words to avoid the stereotypes
prevalent in culture then. It was very much
my choice to come out and by no means a choice that everyone makes. As good as they are, people are still people
and the rumour mill began to turn. Word
got back to me that rumours were circulating and my boss suggested that I nip
things in the bud by speeding up my process of coming out. I was on the road at the time and wondered
what could possibly be the fastest way of reaching as many of my friends and
colleagues in my own words. Facebook! My boss later described this moment as,
“Going nuclear” and apparently not quite what he had in mind… </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was pretty pleased with that
coming out letter – shared widely and respectfully amongst my colleagues and
friends via social media. But it did
mean that I received the call 48 hours later, that my story would be spread
across the front page of The Sun. I
remember it clearly, in 2010, and rather fittingly with current events, as the <i>other</i> headlines of the day revolved
around a general election. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They say, “Never read the
comments.” They, are right. But I don’t know many people who resist that
temptation. You can imagine them. My very existence put up for public scrutiny. Across a number of papers’ websites who had
reprinted the article, comments ranged from, “How can someone so selfish be
allowed to do that job.” To suggestions that I was mentally unstable. I wasn’t mentally unstable, incidentally, and
I had a doctor’s note to prove it. I was
just trans. I am. I fix. I move on. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Always one to look for a silver
lining though, there was ultimately an upside to this experience. I sought guidance at the time from members of
an organisation called ‘Trans Media Watch’ and was fortunate to become involved
with a project that later evolved into what’s now called ‘All About Trans’. Their approach to changing attitudes in the
media fitted my own and was based on engagement and visibility, rather than on
chest poking and blame. Literally, we’ll
feed you tea and cake, just come and meet a real trans people and engage on a
level playing field. Also, there’s so
much you <i>could</i> be saying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The response has been fantastic and
media representation has reflected a growing confidence and inclusion of trans
people in UK society. People know a bit
about it now and they talk slightly differently about it. Trans people are competent, they are
professionals; they love and they are loved; they don't just demand inclusion
in society, they <i>are</i> society. Increasingly, the idea of a need for secrecy
around this subject only serves to highlight a type of shame at being trans, which
is certainly not justified.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">‘Not reading the comments’ is a
suggestion I’ve stiffly ignored many times over the years since then. But doing so has let me witness a shift. Over time, the positive comments started to
balance out the hate until eventually, when reading comments on current
articles; I noticed hatred and fear of trans people being in the minority, and
better yet, often challenged. It’s a
crude measurement of culture, but inspiring. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like many here, I tend to get
correspondence following this sort of thing, from all sorts of people. When that is from a teenager who takes the
time to write and tell me they see a future now thanks to a positive story, I’m
reminded of the role models I had and future <i>they</i> gave me. If a visible
and positive trans story gives one young person hope for the future, then
that’s got to be good for everyone, however you analyse it. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was fortunate. Extremely so.
I was inherently protected by the RAF.
Living on a base patrolled by military guards with guns is reassuring to
be honest, as is a media team on hand to offer advice. Once again though, my fortune highlighted to
me the <i>lack</i> <i>of fortune </i>that other’s still experienced. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There has been a lot of reporting
recently on transgender teenagers who have taken their own lives. They were the people who didn’t hear the
message that things can be okay. It can
work out and in fact, you can do well… this does not need to be a millstone to
carry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That’s true in my world. The world
I’ve been blessed to experience. But was
not true for any of the dozen trans-related suicides, reported in this year alone. And that’s just those reported, and just
those who had lost <i>all</i> hope. In some very developed parts of the world
right now, there is a very real and current threat to alienate and even deny
the very existence of trans people. Of
people just like me. That’s a strong
message for kids growing up trying to be honest with the world about
themselves. If I had been born in one of
these states and not the UK, I would barely have been <i>allowed </i>to form part of society.
That terrifies as much as it baffles me. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The #itgetsbetter campaign, Stonewall’s
Education For All initiatives, Diversity Role Models, and many others with a
similar message, are far reaching. But
we still see deliberate barriers put up to block that kind of message. Many of these kids who’s deaths were reported
recently heard it, but didn't believe it over the noises telling them they
shouldn’t exist. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Allies are critical at this time.
Young people particularly, especially those working out their gender or
sexuality, need to hear the message, clearly, consistently and from as many of
us as possible, that we <i>need</i> them to
be their wonderful selves. That we'll
help them work it out and that contrary to being a millstone around their neck,
authenticity can be the biggest enabler to their lives. The finest way to stick two fingers up to
those who would crush your spirit, is to live and live well. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not alone in that and am constantly
inspired by the many trans men and women who increasingly have the confidence
and the mutual support to be open and honest about that part of themselves. Unashamed at being trans. Most importantly, I've been struck by the
diverse backgrounds and talents that these people possess and how impressive
they are as individuals. What is being
recognized now, both within and outwith the community, is that being trans is
not something to be <i>overcome</i>, it is
something to be embraced and an experience in self-awareness that adds true <i>value</i> to the individual. (Employers take note!). They exemplify to me not just the history
that’s led us to where we are now but represent a strong future; so many of
them standing as role models and excellent representations of what being trans
means in the 21st century. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes, after these type of
events, I’m left with a wonderful sense of community but come out the other end
wondering, “Okay… what next?” </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was fortunate to be involved in
the Stonewall Leadership Programme last year. At the end we were encouraged to make a
statement and a promise. Mine was, that
I would stop apologising. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Transgender is not a phrase that
should be mumbled. By anyone. I promised to stop apologising. <span style="background: white; line-height: 150%;">Each trans person has an inherent capacity to be a role
model in their own right. Each person connected
to them, each person who reads a story and each person who comments positively…
are role models. We can afford to be
vocal about that.</span> I’m proud to
belong to a community, an organisation and a nation showing just what is
possible when diversity of human experience is embraced. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I said I was just a simple
pilot. I really am. In Search and Rescue, we regularly find
ourselves thrown into working with units from organisations with who we are not
directly connected. We turn up with
different processes and capabilities and very different organisational
structures, but in the moment we all have the same focus. Just like the many sectors and organisations
represented here today, and coining a phrase that’s been used for SAR a few
times in recent years, “We come together, to bring hope to those who have
none.” </span></div>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-23701298368888185302015-03-31T14:26:00.002+01:002015-03-31T16:58:36.368+01:00Transgender Day of Visibility<div class="MsoNormal">
There's a good possibility you noticed this
on your Facebook or Twitter feed this week – Today is Transgender Day of
Visibility.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As it's possible you might have missed it though (Did you
know that the start of March saw British Pie Week?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How did I miss that?) I thought I'd help
highlight the significance of this movement, naturally close to my heart,
beyond this one day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In the wake of a turbulent year where in
too many parts of the world, slight and hard-won progress is so incredibly
fragile that even now, any progress made <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/29/mike-pence-indiana-discrimination_n_6964214.html" target="_blank">could be taken away</a> (need the loo
while on holiday in <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/mar/24/papers-to-pee-texas-kentucky-and-florida-consider-anti-transgender-bills" target="_blank">Florida, Texas</a>, <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/brae-carnes-trans-woman-launches-protest-over-law-that-would-force-her-to-use-mens-bathrooms--its-disgusting-and-dangerous-10095767.html" target="_blank">Canada</a>?). I’m proud to belong to a nation
leading the way and showing just what is possible, both socially <a href="http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/4f4b3c8e-d521-11e3-9187-00144feabdc0.html#axzz3Vy9DFVjA" target="_blank">and economically</a>, when diversity is embraced.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In particular, I've been mindful recently
of a dramatic shift</span> around the world in just the past couple of years in mutual
support which TDOV highlights for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It leaves me immensely proud to stand next to the many trans men and
women who at last have the confidence and the mutual support to be open and
honest about that part of themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Most importantly, I've been struck by the diverse backgrounds and
talents that these people possess and how impressive they are as
individuals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They exemplify to me not
just the history that’s led us to where we are now but represent a strong
future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So many of them standing as role
models and excellent representations of what being trans means in the 21<sup>st</sup>
century.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Almost exactly 10 years ago, following
years of grueling work and lobbying by a very small but determined band of
individuals, the UK put into place the Gender Recognition Act (documented in Christine Burns' books, Pressing Matters).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The foundations this groundbreaking act
provided in the UK can’t be underestimated and the years of people served by it –
with the world not coming to a crashing end, but instead adding true value and
texture to society – stand as an example to encourage other nations in
following suit.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It also made my life possible, and I am
indebted for that!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Just five years ago, when I came out
myself, the done thing was to hide your gender history from the world, at all
costs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a significant element of
the Gender Recognition Act in fact – secrecy being enshrined in law.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is innate to the process and was
established for very sound reasons of avoiding often-violent
discrimination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, in many areas of
the world, this is still the case, but in the UK at least there is a definite
tipping point as trans people are becoming viewed for more than just their
gender identity and that itself not being seen as a millstone around your
neck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are competent, they are
professionals; they love and they are loved; they don't just demand inclusion
in society, they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i> society.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Increasingly, the idea of a need for secrecy
around this only serves to highlight a type of shame, which is certainly not
justified.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I spent a long time agonising over whether
to hide my being trans, as the GRA and most of my trans friends effectively
demanded; or to refuse to feel shame for the path I took in finally being
myself with the world and being content to discuss that, if appropriate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly, I chose the latter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of my close friends at the time chose
option one and still do live quietly in their affirmed gender – quite rightly
for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The constant ‘coming out’ you
have to do otherwise can be draining, I admit, and the spectre of
discrimination (subconscious or otherwise) always hovers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Avoiding that entirely makes a lot of sense.<br />
<br />
But little change takes place in the world if the driver of change is kept
locked away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reasoned that, if I
happened to be fortunate enough in my genetics (aside from that annoying Y
chromosome of course) to be able to continue my life without anyone ever
knowing I was trans, then good for me… but did I have more entitlement to that
than someone who was overtly trans and unable or unwilling to hide such a
significant element of themselves? No.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I can't say how incredible it is to see so
many people now content to highlight their positivity and unashamedness at being
trans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are possibility models for
each other and the snowball effect of that is incredible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What can be recognized now, is that being
trans is not something to be overcome, it is something to be embraced and an
experience in self-awareness that adds true value to the individual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Employers take note!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A real driver I believe, for providing the
environment for TDOV to thrive today, is the significant shift in the past year
or two in the media on trans subjects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Arguably, they are collectively a little like overexcited kids with a
new toy at the moment; where every current headline proclaims a ‘first’ or some
other earth shattering revelation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each
time I read these headlines I think of the many true firsts who bravely paved
the way years ago without due credit and made todays ‘firsts’ even
possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Overall though, I have to
forgive the media it’s historical oversight for now and acknowledge the
positive influence the actual content of their messaging and the language they
are beginning to use, is now willing to invoke.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">While the media go about seeking excitement
and beauty to choose those they publicise, many of the most powerful advocates
in the world, I feel, are those going about their lives without excessive fuss
and noise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With dignity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They perhaps don't influence popular culture
directly, which is by nature transient, but they do influence colleagues,
peers, employers and families.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
create allies.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Allies in turn are brilliant for a number
of reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you suspect you might be
an ally (it’s okay to admit so!) I hope you know just how important you
are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s very obvious for someone like
myself to stand up and advocate for trans people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the relationships the person has through
their lives are just as important as the individual and a critical element of
what being trans actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Highlighting those positive relationships, be
they professional, romantic or otherwise is a powerful statement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By doing so, even in very small and casual
ways, you're giving permission to others for it to be okay too and the power of
this simple act can’t be undersold.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The end result of all this is where I get
immense inspiration from now, in the form of the young people I see dealing
with their gender identity with increased confidence at the beginning of their
lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Long before the responsibilities
of careers or families, the people I see more often now, get to live their
lives from the beginning with honesty - that is a key enabler for anyone in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But it is the <a href="http://www.mygenderation.com/" target="_blank">confidence with which they often do this that shines so brightly</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are role models for me
and for a world of others born just like them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So a heartfelt thank you to those who
incited this change. Thank you to those who paved the way putting that into
real effect and proving themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thank you to those now standing proudly and highlighting their
achievements and thank you to a new generation, who grasp with pride the
opportunity given by all that’s gone before.</span> </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-35498179083566168292015-01-05T21:30:00.002+00:002015-01-05T22:08:12.581+00:00A Cry for Hope<div class="tr_bq">
They were fairly simple needs. To be known. To be happy. To be loved. It was a simple final request as well, "Fix society. Please."<br>
<br>
I have shied away from writing following the death of Leelah Alcorn, who took her own life aged just 17 last week. There's a young person's life cut tragically short. There's a family grieving and Leelah's parents have come under immense and direct attack for the way they handled her being trans; the real fuel behind that attack coming from Leelah herself, in her suicide note.</div>
<br>
It is that same note, scheduled to post to Tumblr after her death, which asks to make her life something to be talked about, widely. A cry that was in equal measures pain, anguish, isolation and a desperate hope that what happened to her, never happens to another. A selflessness, in that sense.<br>
<br>
Social media empowered her with a voice. In that same spirit, I include an unaltered copy of her words below and decided to share her story, as an addition to the many other writings you'll find online in a similar vein. Leelah's final paragraph highlights her wishes:<br>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren't treated the way I was, they're treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say 'that's fucked up' and fix it. Fix society. Please."<br>
<div>
<br></div>
</blockquote>
Because I know not everyone will be aware of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Leelah_Alcorn" target="_blank">Leelah</a>, I'll cover her story in part here.<div><br>
The response from the trans community across the world, was instant and intense. Intense because the feelings that Leelah expressed (with considerable eloquence and awareness) have been deeply felt by so many of us. Leelah's was a life never realised - she was never able to begin her transition. The most distressing element that I felt, the biggest waste, was that she had a future. At least, in the world<i> I</i> experience and enjoy, she had a future. By the way she writes, in all likelihood, that could have been a bright future. But the world I and many others experience never became a reality for Leelah. Even with the international connectivity that now permeates our lives, that was never a truth for her. '<i>Could have'</i> became '<i>should have'</i>.<br>
<br>
The thing about depression, is that negativity is deafening and positivity's volume is turned way down. Reasoning your way through it takes herculean effort and most often the support of others. In Leelah's case, as she describes coming out aged 14, "I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn't make mistakes, that I am wrong." She continues, "Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don't ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won't do anything but make them hate them self. That's exactly what it did to me."<br>
<br>
"People say 'it gets better' but that isn't true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse."<br>
<br>
The <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23itgetsbetter&src=tyah" target="_blank">#itgetsbetter</a> campaign and many others with a similar message are far reaching. But last week we saw evidence of barriers put up to block that kind of message. Leelah heard it but didn't believe it over everything else she was hearing. Her parents should have heard it and believed it, but they "<a href="http://edition.cnn.com/2014/12/31/us/ohio-transgender-teen-suicide/index.html?hpt=hp_t2" target="_blank">Don't support that, religiously</a>". It is why we should never apologise for saying it and saying it proudly. It is simply evidence of the beautiful natural diversity in human experience. It is evidence of real, lived experience. Young LGBT people, in particular, need to understand this, but as Leelah experienced, this is far from enough. Parents need to understand. Families. Teachers. Pastors. Peers. All are needed to make this reality... real. What's the worst that can happen? Surely with the current system, the worst is already happening and that's a tragic loss for all of us? As I've heard said before, 'this doesn't take the brains of an Archbishop'.<br>
<br>
The response by individuals, groups and worldwide media has been to seek to place blame for the forces leading to Leelah taking her own life. Much of that has been directed at her parents, alongside the 'therapists' that Leelah describes - "I only got more Christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help."<br>
<br>
I am not religious myself for very deliberate reasons, though I have been in various ways in the past. I don't blame any religion or Christianity directly, but like many, I hold the pastors from the Christian-right and the 'reversion therapists' who broke Leelah's spirit and advised her parents, entirely to account - it is important to recognise that her parents acted on the best information they had and are mourning the loss of their child. Reversion therapy and the culture that supports it must be the focus of anger, and <a href="https://challengingjourneys.wordpress.com/2015/01/03/sad-and-unnecessary-deaths/" target="_blank">not Leelah's parents</a> themselves. These 'therapists' (and anyone practicing reversion therapy) have serious questions to answer with governing bodies and wider society. Even putting emotion to one side,<span style="background-color: white;"> <a href="http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/the-lies-and-dangers-of-reparative-therapy" target="_blank">the evidence</a> for 'curing' being LGB or T is minimal, while the evidence of the destroyed lives it leaves is monumental.</span><br>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">We need to be careful not to make this about religion, which is easy to do. That's a separate debate. This is about humanity and giving people a chance to be known; something that </span><a href="http://newwaysministryblog.wordpress.com/2014/12/28/lgbtq-children-in-catholic-families-a-deacons-view-of-holy-family-sunday/" target="_blank">Deacon Ray Dever</a> and <a href="http://vickybeeching.com/vicky-comments-on-the-tragic-suicide-of-transgender-teen-leelah-alcorn/" target="_blank">Vicky Beeching</a> understand from a religious perspective and is better coming from the likes of them than from me. The two things are not mutually exclusive.<br>
<br>
I am struck by the size and breadth of the outcry over this in the past week, by media and individuals around the world. The tone has been consistent though; never again.<br>
<br>
Leelah's story is far from an anomaly. She has though, had her cry heard by as many people, across as wide a demographic, as almost anyone else I can think of in recent times - and she needs remembering for that. I am distraught that she wasn't given the opportunity to see that <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23itgetsbetter&src=tyah" target="_blank">#itgetsbetter</a>. More so because I know there are so many others like her right now.<br>
<br>
Allies are critical at this time. Young people particularly, especially those working out their gender or sexuality, need to hear the message, clearly, consistently and from as many of us as possible, that we <u>need</u> them to become their wonderful authentic selves. That we'll help them work it out and that contrary to being a millstone around their neck, authenticity can be the biggest enabler to their lives. <b>The finest way to stick two fingers up to those who would crush your spirit, is to live and live well.</b><br>
<br>
Messaging doesn't just stop within the LGBT community and vocal allies are, in fact, the ones who take that message and make it known. Engrained. They are the ones with the power to normalise and I salute the many who are doing just that. People like myself can stand up and say, "Hey, look, proof that it get's better..." But it takes allies to validate that statement and to ground it in reality for society to see. It requires people to stand up, be seen, and to help up those behind them.<br>
<br>
<br>
It's a simple cry for hope.<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
Leelah's letter:<br>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">SUICIDE NOTE </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If you are reading this, it means that I have committed suicide and obviously failed to delete this post from my queue. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Please don’t be sad, it’s for the better. The life I would’ve lived isn’t worth living in… because I’m transgender. I could go into detail explaining why I feel that way, but this note is probably going to be lengthy enough as it is. To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in a boy’s body, and I’ve felt that way ever since I was 4. I never knew there was a word for that feeling, nor was it possible for a boy to become a girl, so I never told anyone and I just continued to do traditionally “boyish” things to try to fit in. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would only take me to christian therapists, (who were all very biased) so I never actually got the therapy I needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th birthday, when I didn’t receive consent from my parents to start transitioning, I cried myself to sleep. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I formed a sort of a “fuck you” attitude towards my parents and came out as gay at school, thinking that maybe if I eased into coming out as trans it would be less of a shock. Although the reaction from my friends was positive, my parents were pissed. They felt like I was attacking their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to be their perfect little straight christian boy, and that’s obviously not what I wanted. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So they took me out of public school, took away my laptop and phone, and forbid me of getting on any sort of social media, completely isolating me from my friends. This was probably the part of my life when I was the most depressed, and I’m surprised I didn’t kill myself. I was completely alone for 5 months. No friends, no support, no love. Just my parent’s disappointment and the cruelty of loneliness. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">At the end of the school year, my parents finally came around and gave me my phone and let me back on social media. I was excited, I finally had my friends back. They were extremely excited to see me and talk to me, but only at first. Eventually they realized they didn’t actually give a shit about me, and I felt even lonelier than I did before. The only friends I thought I had only liked me because they saw me five times a week. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">After a summer of having almost no friends plus the weight of having to think about college, save money for moving out, keep my grades up, go to church each week and feel like shit because everyone there is against everything I live for, I have decided I’ve had enough. I’m never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me. As for my will, I want 100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given to trans civil rights movements and support groups, I don’t give a shit which one. The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Goodbye, </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">(Leelah) <strike>Josh</strike> Alcorn</span></blockquote>
<br>
<br>
<br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-85067923344108767272014-09-05T03:15:00.003+01:002014-09-05T03:15:41.396+01:00Awkward Moments in Cinemas<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Watching The Inbetweeners movie with my
workmates was great – I’ve not laughed so hard in a long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right up until the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> For t</span>he final joke, Neil was set up on a date with a
Ladyboy in Thailand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“That’s just a
bloke with tits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>S’pose I’ll have to
stick to the top half.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it got funnier;
during the end credits the boys were all seen enjoying a meal out with four
Thai girls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The big joke being the
camera panning below the table to show each of the ladies wearing no pants and
all to having a penis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Brilliant. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Epic. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cut back to look of horror on Neil’s face as
he ‘realises’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Fuck me, really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do I now have to deal with this
awkwardness?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was enjoying a really
good movie with mates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to
feel like I have to write a boring article following a stupid and otherwise
hilarious movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do because no one else will and because
otherwise no one will understand why I went to bed in tears tonight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because this isn’t alright.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I should have walked out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or otherwise made my disapproval known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Instead I pretended to chortle, like it was no big deal, just so that
the people around me wouldn’t feel awkward or think that I was uptight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I let myself down by doing that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve always maintained that to laugh at
anything you must first be able to laugh at yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being the fun-sponge who everyone thinks they
have to be politically correct around is no fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just taking the humour of this movie as a
single example of many; every subject of ridicule (and there are many) is given
the option of being empathised with or understood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have a voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether that’s banter about being gay, about
being divorced, about being overweight, about being a total knob.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each time I laughed it wasn’t
because it didn’t affect me, it was because the gay person was cool, or because
the (barely) overweight person was gorgeous and loved, and the people
acting like complete knobs were the main heros who we all identify with
somehow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s the whole point, we
are left able to identify with each person in turn and to laugh at the
situation and the idiocy instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ridicule is deflected onto the idiot delivering it and we laugh at them
while their underlying good nature leaves us still loving them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Banter works, however harsh it may seem, when
everyone wins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Otherwise it’s just
bullying. </span>Hate bullying, love banter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The four trans women at the end of this
movie were alone in being there purely as objects, the single joke being to
show their genitals and the look of utter revulsion and/or ridicule on the poor
guy’s face. End.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">There was slightly less
laughter amongst the audience to that joke – particularly amongst my
workmates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just by being present, I had
made the room an awkward place for people who didn't deserve to feel awkward (“Are we okay to laugh at this?”).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I and the millions who will watch this movie
left knowing that it’s all knob gags and brilliantly, hilariously, cringe-worthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For every subject of ridicule, a knowing wink
was made to put the joke firmly onto the boys being idiots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Except for the ‘Ladyboys’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only</i> perspective on that subject was the
clear message I left with, for the millionth tiresome time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That they (and by extension, I) are just
blokes with tits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That they’re
revolting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I’m revolting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m ridiculous and above all, unlovable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In this particular ‘rock and a hard place’
where I find myself once again, I’m not supposed to be upset.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn’t anyone else’s problem and I’ve no
real desire to make it anyone else’s problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">There are bigger problems in the
world.” “ Stop being so self-centered.” “You’ve got equality, what the hell are
you complaining about now.” “ You’re just a fun-sponge.” </i>These are the
kinds of retorts one hears to boring activists banging on about their one
little problem and ruining the fun for everyone else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Shit like this is the reason I fear walking
down the road to get milk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
judged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shit like this is why I have and
probably always will avoid close human contact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m disgusting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fucking hell, shit
like this is why I have felt alienated and alone all my fucking life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m not the only one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask anyone who identifies as transgender and
they’ll give a similar story.<br />
<br />
<br />
Shit like this is why we still need to find a voice and a place in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So that future generations can laugh with us,
not at us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like we do with those lovable
boys behaving like knobs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">N.B - I don't mean to insinuate that trans guys don't suffer this problem too - it wasn't in this example though and the media tend to focus jokes on trans women. Please correct me if I'm wrong.</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-69574390750082424242014-07-22T08:54:00.001+01:002014-07-28T06:08:05.168+01:00Hopeful for a Sunrise<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a scientist, I love classifying things. But more
specifically, I'm an ecologist with a passion for evolution; so I also like to
take classes of things and decry them for undermining the wonderful flux of
variation we see in the natural world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span><span style="color: black;">Activists though; the very word makes me shudder. Which is
odd, because if I was classifying myself in that regard, I suppose I would technically be one. Given job,
relationship, etc, I could likely be classified as a militant bisexual feminist</span><span style="color: black; font-size: xx-small;">(1)</span><span style="color: black;">. And everyone shudders when<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>they</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>walk in.</span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: Times; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0cm; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: right;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">1 - should really use 'pansexual', but that would just confuse people; especially my mother. (Love you Mum!)</span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: black;">The trouble is you see, I naturally shy away from anything overtly militant or
confrontational (irony noted) and I think feminism is less of a political
ideology and more of an obvious reality. So I should by all logic,
gravitate away from anything even remotely activist-related. </span><span style="color: black;">On the feminism front, I do. While there are still plenty of<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/business/news/the-glass-ceiling-women-on-boards-we-have-a-long-way-to-go-9210255.html" target="_blank">glass ceilings to go around</a>, I feel
that the message is pretty well out there now. In the western world at
least, people who traditionally didn't, finally <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2014/mar/27/royal-and-ancient-golf-club-st-andrews-drop-ban-female-members" target="_blank">get it</a>, even if they don't all agree
with it. In essence, the shouting has happened and what's left is
encouraging<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>everyone</i> to
internalise it. On the transgender front, however, I don't feel like I
can just stand quietly to the side. It's hard to miss that transgender people
are being talked about quite a lot at the moment. They always have been I
suppose, but now the people doing the talking are trans themselves. We
are totally in vogue!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span><span style="color: black;">It can't be downplayed just how fundamental this shift has been in
the last few years; that transgender individuals are increasingly feeling not
only happy, but<span class="apple-converted-space"><i> </i></span><i>proud</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>to talk openly about their gender.
In 2004 being trans was <a href="http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2004/7/contents" target="_blank">enshrined in law</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>as a secret that should legally be
kept hidden at all costs (this is not just a historical concern and even today,
keeping the specifics of your gender secret is often for<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>very</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>good reasons of<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/apr/28/baltimore-trans-attack-mcdonalds" target="_blank">personal safety</a>, as well as for
avoiding discrimination). A decade later, being trans is now something to
proudly<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://time.com/135480/transgender-tipping-point/" target="_blank">grace the cover of Time Magazine</a>,
who refer to a 'tipping point' and 'Civil Rights Movement'. It
certainly feels that way. It's not just simple narcissism either; knowing
someone trans is now okay too. My dad recently started talking about my
being a transgender woman, with the bloke fitting his new kitchen. With
pride!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I recognise that we're at a delicate stage in the UK though.
As I noted in my previous article,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.waveringdown.me.uk/2014/03/blue-on-blue.html" target="_blank">Blue on Blue</a>, in the passion to change
the world we can sometimes fail to notice when that change is actually
happening. The danger is that this so easily undoes the positive momentum
that has built. And trust me, there's real momentum.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span><span style="color: black;">Recently, I was invited to an interaction with The Sun newspaper,
organised by<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.allabouttrans.org.uk/" target="_blank">All
About Trans</a>. I was only too happy to accept the invite, as I'd been
subject to a couple of articles in The Sun myself. After the meeting, it
felt to me like one of the most positive and groundbreaking of these type
interactions I've yet to attend. It's no massive surprise though, that in
the sort of circles which discuss the progression of civil liberties, when one
mentions any tabloid there's not often much love. "They're all the
same," "Evil," "Bullies who'll never change."<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Et cetera</i>.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span><span style="color: black;">To be honest, I was braced for a superficial reception at Sun HQ,
while barely letting myself hope for better. So imagine how incredibly
moved I was, just how many of their most senior staff not only came but<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>stayed</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>and engaged enthusiastically for over
an hour. Very quickly, we reassured them that we were there to chat, not
to berate them. They admitted they were bricking it too! For many
journalists, the experience of anything trans is from Embarrassing Bodies-esque
TV shows or from a venomous letter following an inappropriate headline or
article. They were perhaps rightly expecting a chest-poking from a
platoon of angry self-righteous activists, who'd somehow managed to break the
normally solid defenses of the reception desk. If they had received that,
I wouldn't have blamed them for making excuses and cutting things short -
they're busy people. Instead, there was a genuine drive to understand<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>each other's<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></i>perspective and I am convinced
that we actually have another strong ally there now. An ally with the one
of the<a href="http://www.newsworks.org.uk/The-Sun" target="_blank"> largest distributions in the UK</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>(narrowly behind the Daily Mail);
which is a big deal.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span><span style="color: black;">The key to this and all the work that All About Trans is doing,
doesn't lie in naive positivity, but in negotiation. The bad feeling
which remains after experiencing an angry mob resplendent with burning
pitchforks is long remembered. I remember speaking to seniors at The
Observer about just this and how frightening it is to be on the receiving end;
especially when you as an individual don't understand why you're the focus of
so much hate. However justified the protest, the message ultimately has
to get through and be taken onboard - otherwise you're just wasting good
pitchforks.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span><span style="color: black;">At The Sun, I picked up the same vibe. Many of the senior editors
there today, still pick up flack and hatred for articles written by The Sun
when they themselves were still in primary school! I'm not naively
jumping up to defend all tabloids now, far from it. But they have a role
to play in journalism, which is in demand (and however you feel about the role
itself, you have to concede that The Sun do that particular job really very
well). Most importantly though, while we busied ourselves with putting a
human face and story behind 'meeting a real transgender person' for them; they
in turn highlighted to me that a newspaper is not faceless. It is put
together by real people who aren't at all unlike the professionals I meet and
work with day to day. Incredibly, they reacted in the same way too.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span><span style="color: black;">I know from painful experience over the last few years, that
having people tiptoe around you while treading on eggshells, for fear of enraging
an all-powerful civil rights lobby, isn't a win. It's a barrier to
genuine progress and is the reason that I'm not actually a massive
fan of LGBT groups appearing unapproachable or unquestionable. To avoid these barriers, anyone hoping to improve the world in the way we are, must always
remain approachable, over and above being confrontational - however difficult
it may be to calm your anger. As I saw on a postcard recently, 'I'm not
arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right'!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span><span style="color: black;">We all left The Sun HQ full of hope, with offers of support and
guidance from us and promises from them to ask for that same guidance in
future. Time will tell, but I'm happy to give over to naive optimism for
a little while. It's notable that as I told my story, the Managing Editor
('Stig' Abell) had to google for the articles about me. He was sincerely
embarrassed that this was ever allowed to be printed - even though it was well
before his time - and he has remained true to his offer of removing the article
from their website.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span><span style="color: black;">It's an olive branch and I think we should take it.</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-36738255759169149482014-03-02T21:03:00.004+00:002014-03-02T23:26:16.084+00:00Blue On Blue<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Blue-on-blue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A NATO
term for friendly fire – An attack by a military force on friendly forces while
attempting to attack the enemy, either misidentifying the target as hostile, or
due to errors or inaccuracy.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I don't remember much from Sunday School, but recall from
the teachings of Mr Freeman and Mr Pitt in the movie Seven, that pride
was something best avoided.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later Brad
was to teach me about airline travel and sculpted torsos in Fight Club, but honestly, both nuggets
were of scant use to my later life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pride is an important driver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If well placed and balanced with a suitable
dose of temperance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without pride we
have shame, which is crap to live with and pretty debilitating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now that I've established pride as an
essentially awesome virtue though, I'm going to suggest we need less of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bear with me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Of course, in a rather tortured fashion I'm angling my narrative towards Pride
marches and Mardi Gras held across the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>By design they are a place to strut your thing, literally, with
pride. That's an amazing thing to do, I
know, but I've never been on a Pride march.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> As</span> so many now are thankfully able to, I strut my thing every day, but without
fuss (I am English, you know) and wonder if there isn’t something to be said for the quiet approach.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Several times in the course of my work, I've been asked why
we (LGBT) need to hold committee meetings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The front page of my employer’s intranet has for the last few weeks
proudly displayed that the <a href="http://www.stonewall.org.uk/at_work/stonewall_top_100_employers/4923.asp">Ministry
of Defence is Stonewall’s Most Improved Employer in 2014</a>; being ranked
number 35 on this year’s Top Employers list, with the Royal Navy and British
Army also making the top 100 and the Royal Air Force narrowly missing out at
number 108.*</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not bad, considering many still consider the stereotype of these being less than gay or trans-friendly places to work.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"One of my key aims as a leader is to ensure that everyone is given the opportunity to perform at their very best. People are more productive, creative, loyal and successful when they can truly be themselves at work. Winning this award shows that we have taken meaningful action to address our working cultures in order to unlock the full potential of our people by recognising the strength of their diversity."</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<b>Jon Thompson</b></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<b>Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Defence</b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><br />Genuinely, this isn’t just a policy thing – that was just the start. Following the policy and the legal protection, comes the evolution of culture and ethos and for the most part, that's happened within this organisation. True, no system is perfect, but I still hold up my employer – along with my colleagues and peers – as a pretty good benchmark on how this sort of thing should be done.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Fitting then, that peers sometimes question why we still have special awards and meetings <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just</i> for
LGBT matters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the wonderful logic
that goes hand-in-hand with life in the forces; we have policy,
everyone gets that policy and agrees, why is there still an issue?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s difficult to fault the logic and to be fair, on the
surface they’re right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there are still
great swathes of society and the world where this breadth of human nature is
still stamped on. Tragically, <a href="http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Islan-Nettles-Harlem-Rally-Transgender-Woman-Beaten-Death-Lavergne-Cox-221415871.html">often
literally</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any alienation, anywhere
and no matter how subtle or subconscious, can and does lead to tragic
consequences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when it doesn’t and
on the surface everything is hunky dory, where there are social barriers there
is a loss of creativity, trust and success, for the group as much as for the
individual.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">*(Naturally, this being Stonewall in England, criteria is specific to LGB employees and Trans is not included (the subject for another article); though from the MoD and Armed Forces’ perspective, LGB&T is inclusive).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h3>
<o:p>Subtlety<span style="font-family: inherit;"> and Empathy</span></o:p></h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJwJnoB9EKw&feature=youtube_gdata_player">Tom
Daley came out via You Tube</a> he had me in tears of happiness for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did you see how happy he was?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He positively shines!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Overwhelming love and support followed, but
also an echo of, ‘So what?’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later, England
women's football captain Casey Stoney and Aston Villa midfielder Thomas
Hitzlsperger also came out, to the sound of many applauding their bravery (and
pride) but also to questions about why this was a big deal in the first
place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely, in 2014 it’s no big deal to
come out, so why go on YouTube or to the newspapers to publicise your story? Why the drama?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Like my colleagues, they’re actually right.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">But missing </span><a href="http://www.transgenderdor.org/memorializing-2013" style="font-family: inherit;">the big picture</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Fact is, confrontational (or sensationalist) activism
was immensely important a generation ago and was the only way to elicit </span>desperately<span style="font-family: inherit;"> needed change from society.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">But it does create
something of a clique.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">In the UK at
least, as a direct result of that activism we have policy and law protecting many marginalised
characteristics, such as gender and sexuality.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">As a good friend said to me a while ago, we’re now in the process of
building bridges.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s about
normalisation and providing role models.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tom, Casey and Thomas are still too rare – hugely successful people, sportspeople no less, admired for their abilities as professionals, who totally normalise their
sexuality.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As for transgender visibility… we’ve still got a long way to
go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re playing catch-up on that front, but I fear we are in danger of alienating the wider public with some of our
well-meaning efforts to progress; often out of sheer frustration in the rush to have our
voices heard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">An example of this happened a few weeks ago on Piers
Morgan’s ill-fated US chat show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In an <a href="http://piersmorgan.blogs.cnn.com/2014/02/05/author-janet-mock-returns-to-piers-morgan-live-for-a-second-interview/">interview
with Janet Mock</a>, I felt that Piers was not only courteous, but (quite rightly) singing
Janet’s praises regarding the work she does and for her recently published
book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They talk about her work, her
life, her gender transition (appropriate, as this is a key narrative to her book) and her boyfriend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All is well and
I think to myself, what a lovely chat and how great it is to have cisgender
allies like this, even if he’s a little behind the drag curve.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then an unusual thing happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt sorry for Piers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Throughout the interview, the caption at the bottom of the
screen stated, Born A Boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile,
Piers’ questions were those typical of a reporter without any experience of
trans individuals; namely to shoehorn this person's story into their own rigid and
often limited concept of gender and sexuality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In his opening remarks, he says, “This is the amazing thing
about you; had I not known your life story, I would have absolutely no clue
that you ever would have been born a boy. A male. Which makes me absolutely
believe you should always have been a woman.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let’s be clear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
far as <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/sally_kohn_let_s_try_emotional_correctness.html">emotional
correctness</a> goes, Piers was spot on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Where he failed was in his understanding of terminology and of not
allowing (or I should say, encouraging) Janet to tell her story her way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be educated, if you like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In turn, he failed to pass on such an
education to his audience and worse, reinforced some serious
misconceptions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s frustrating, but
I thought this failure was pretty well offset by the warmth and respect he obviously felt
towards Janet as a professional as well as her natural intellect and engaging personality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> She was welcomed as a</span> peer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you like, there was an obvious
bridge between the two of them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Piers’ failing was arguably a failure of reporting; but
regardless, we should love him for trying, not tearing him apart for getting it
wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The subtleties in discussing
gender variance and even sexuality can be damn confusing for someone who’s not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">had</i> to learn them, let alone experience
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re tough for me for goodness
sake!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Following a backlash from the trans community, Janet was
invited back by Piers to explain why she was born a baby, not a boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Janet did well to explain why what he’d said
could be offensive, and why she felt intimidated not to correct him at the
time, but at the same time continued to chastise him for not getting it right
first time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I titled this article, Blue on Blue – referring to the NATO
term for friendly fire in conflict.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
suppose my point is that we need to be better at recognising our friends, even
when they’re fallible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aren’t we
all?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s our intent that is the
important deciding factor.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">With the secret meetings, exclusive culture and the risk of
vilification if you misunderstand and worse, say the wrong thing, isn’t it
understandable that alienation still occurs?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s why we need people like Tom Daley to
normalise their sexuality and be the unassuming role model that challenges
stereotypes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who says that it’s okay to
chat about this – there’s no taboo here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s also why we need people <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD6WJiJhkCQ">like Johnathon Ross</a> to
act as fantastic allies to break down those imagined barriers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And that’s just the gay stuff!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
<h3>
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Visibility</span></o:p></h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">One of the great difficulties with transgender issues, is
that there’s an inherent level of secrecy which is actually enshrined in law under
the Gender Recognition Act 2004.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
understand this need to almost eradicate one’s gender history.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s an easy way to avoid misunderstanding the
subtleties of gender variance which Piers and so many before him fell foul of
(many wilfully so, to be fair). To use the Piers Morgan interview as an </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">example; don’t refer to me as having been a male, because I wasn’t.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Imagine it from </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">my</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> perspective; I’ve always simply been myself.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I didn’t change and neither did Janet.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Any implication of change is charged with the
misnomer of choice, which is completely missing the point.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The easy solution which we've taken to date is, don’t talk about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which doesn’t exactly help to progress the
situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Worse, the whole concept of hiding one’s gender history
implies shame in that fact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Just as is the case with</span> Tom
being openly gay and so obviously happy at not hiding that – even a little bit
– there is no shame whatsoever in anyone being trans or being able to talk about that. It doesn't define them any more than being gay now defines Tom. It's simply a wonderful level of human diversity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is changing, slowly, and more trans
people are open and proud about being trans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">critical</i>, obviously,
if there is to be improved visibility of what it’s like to be trans and a casting aside of imagined taboos. That can be a scary thing to do. It can leave you feeling vulnerable and alone. But there are more allies out there than any of us realise - we just need to recognise them and let them know.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“He changed laws, but he also changed hearts.”</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<b>President Obama </b></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<b>At the Memorial Service to Former South African President, Nelson Mandela</b></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-25880968964523124472014-02-09T18:42:00.001+00:002014-02-09T18:58:20.662+00:00In defence of technologyWe have a love-hate relationship with technology, don't we? We get all excited about the shiny new gadget or app that promises to revolutionise our lives, but the feeling often dissolves into despondency when we find it falls somewhat short of its promises. In my case, colourful metaphors soon follow.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Unfortunately, skepticism tends to win out over optimism in our social hive-mind (particularly here in the UK) and this is what greets much of the new tech that I see coming onto the scene, in a pattern I've seen repeated during the past couple of decades that I've been paying any attention to such things. To a great extent, this is well justified and based on peoples collective experience. I am personally in a constant flux between optimism and frustration with the tech that populates my life, and I spend an awful lot of time working to understand any shortfalls and work around them - it's a matter of pride! I actually take a personal hit whenever tech fails for someone else, because I am so passionate about what it should (and could) do for us and want others to experience that. Dammit, if you visit my home then everything <i>will</i> talk to everything else, first time and seamlessly... it will!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I really shouldn't spend so long making this stuff work though; it's a problem I know - I'm seeking help. Doesn't spending all that time somewhat defeat the object of improving our workflows and freeing up our time for the important stuff, or improving the stuff we create and consume? Quite possibly, but I'm happy to take on that responsibility for others and make their stuff work too. I'm a firm believer that everyone needs a geek in their lives and encourage you to go out and find yourself one.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
You, "This ****ing stupid... why won't it..?"<br />
Geek, "Have you turned it off and on again? ... Okay then, leave it with me, I'll fix it."</blockquote>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This not only makes the geek feel like a hero (!) it saves you time and stuff ends up working as you think it should. It's a win-win.</div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<h3>
Love Your Inner Geek</h3>
</div>
<div>
Until next time of course, and there's the clincher. Actually, sometimes there's just not a geek within close enough proximity and that's when having a basic understanding of how the tech in your life works may just save the day. Develop just a little bit of geek within yourself and see how much smoother the day goes! Many people I know rebel at this stage, stating that 'bloody computers' are pointless and that we used to get on fine without them. True, but we also used to think the same thing about cars; now you at least know what each pedal does and that the spinny thing in front of you changes the picture out of the window.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Agree with it or not, these tools that we sometimes call computers (and all the equivalent tech that surrounds them) are an integral part of getting on in life today. A little while ago, you learned how doors worked. I argue that your basic understanding of the flow of digital information exists at the same level and that when you learn a process, the principle is probably applicable to a dozen more scenarios that you'll meet in the future. Technology in whatever guise follows a fairly general set of principles. So whether you're working with stuff made by Microsoft, Google, Samsung or some independant developer from Taiwan, that same basic understanding will be a good starter for 10.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
In short, listen to your geek; because this shit matters!</blockquote>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Which brings me on to my main dilemma. The geek who is so enthusiastic that they lose their audience, mired as they are in past tech failings. Winning these people over to adopting new tech is less like taking candy from a baby and more like giving diamonds to a cat. The diamonds are wasted and it just confuses the cat. So often I see new tech introduced (in the home or in the workplace) with so much to offer, but gathering dust in the corner or being a frustrating bottleneck to productivity. The most annoying thing to me, is that this is very often not the fault of that tech itself, but in its implementation and integration. Basically, it's rolled out, half-heartedly or without consideration that it does not exist in a vacuum. Sometimes it's also the fault of the inappropriate use of technology - the assumption that newer is better. As a geek, that's hard for me to say, but sometimes old school still works best. That requires analysis and not just blind faith in 'progress'. In these cases, new technology (progress) becomes as much of a hinderance as a benefit and people do that wonderfully human thing of finding a temporary work-around. Which rapidly becomes a permanent work-around and eventually just the way things are done. Until the next bright idea comes along and the cycle continues.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's painful to work in and trust me, it's just as painful to watch! The frustrating thing is that, with the right level of investment (of time and understanding, as much as of cash; if not more so) this new tech would work so well. I don't just say that in blind optimism, I wholeheartedly mean it. There is some truly beautiful tech out there at the moment. From Apple's laptops to Google's tablets and online services, for both businesses and individuals. Even Microsoft's Xbox is a gorgeous (if bulky) concept with actually useable voice control and use of cloud computing. Welcome to the future; it's cloud-shaped, except...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<h3>
Integrate or Frustrate</h3>
<div>
The reason all this beautiful new tech fails (don't get me started on my beef with Xbox One) is that it takes immense effort to make them talk to each other. These days, integration is everything. Integration outside of that business's or individual's ecosystem is rarely given the consideration it deserves; by us or by the provider of the tech in question. If you just use products and services (the ecosystem) of one company, as demonstrated in their flashy product releases, then you'll probably have some success. Unfortunately, I don't know a single person who exists solely in a single technological ecosystem; instead picking up a mix over time. The business case for forcing everyone to use only your company's ecosystem is a bluntly obvious one. It'll just work and you'll achieve more sales. But it also backfires bluntly, because it doesn't reflect reality. What are we doing if we're not reflecting reality? These are tools. Just tools. That reality is that people invest in some new tech, but it fails to integrate with the services and hardware they already have. The blame for this negative experience lands right at the feet of the producer of this newly obtained technology and becomes another reason why<i> all</i> technology is dubbed complicated and rubbish.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Unfortunately, I agree. It is rubbish. But that's not the fault of the tech, it's the fault of its integration and implementation.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Let me defend the geeks for a second, because it's not their fault - The technologies to make things work together are generally well defined and easy enough to work through. The reason they don't work is a deliberate boardroom decision. As a company, you're going to win over far more customers to adopt your products if you integrate seamlessly into their existing ecosystems. If you're the best and easiest solution in front of them at the time. If you try and bulldoze your way to replacing everything <i>in toto</i>, pretending that your products and services exist in a vacuum, then you just invite bad feeling and frustration. Actually, Google <i>seem</i> to get this and I think are ahead of the game in this regard. They integrate beautifully with most things I already use and so their slow takeover of my own ecosystem is largely attributable to being able to use it everywhere, with the least resistance. They are more often than not the easiest solution in front of me when I need one. It simply does what it's supposed to. Also, I happen to think their design ethic is a work of art.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<h3>
We Fear Change</h3>
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This failure of tech to simply do what it promises is so common that it understandably makes people (I'm looking at business leaders and management now) fearful of any future development. Better to stick with what we already know, no matter how much more efficient, safe and productive a new system can be. That in itself is frustrating to me, flying the flag of technology, but at least in that example, what already exists does work. As my partner often tells me, "Don't fuck with it." Wise words.</div>
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The worst possible case is the one we see most often. The halfway house. You disrupt an established and generally okay system, promise the moon on a stick with what you're introducing, then hold back from implementing it thoroughly enough for the improvements to be realised. How much of your work day is taken up chasing Tech Support for stuff that should just work? How much slicker and easier do you find it working at your home computer? What a waste of your working day, not to mention frustrating.</div>
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As one example: it's now perfectly simple to collaborate on the same document (or a presentation, a spreadsheet - whatever) with a group of colleagues in real time, with each team member within the same video chat room making traceable changes at any time of day, from any device and without even being in the same country. All securely. A number of companies offer this, some better value than others, and the streamlining and collaboration this provides to organisations of all types is immense. To my mind, this is cloud computing at it's most eloquent. It basically removes the actual technology involved and lets diverse and dislocated teams get creative and focus entirely on the actual project.</div>
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Isn't that what it's all about? How long before you see this in your workplace do you think? It isn't because it isn't already affordable. It's because of the fear that it will fail and clinging to the way we've always worked. The silly part being, that 'the way we've always worked' is so often the result of numerous short-term workarounds to poorly integrated tech in the past.</div>
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Time for some clean progress and some brave adoption.</blockquote>
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I think people greatly underestimate the tipping point, where efficiencies (or often, completely new capabilities) outweigh the investment needed and so implement new tech late. And then fail to follow through with fully thought out implementation and integration.</div>
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Yes, I'll blame management - isn't everything their fault anyway!? But we as users of all levels also have a responsibility to understand the basics of the tech that we use both at work but also at home and to help drive forward its development and integration with our feedback. To take control of<i> it</i>. It's for all of us to take that feedback and make a realistic analysis of how we can most appropriately incorporate the beautiful tech that exists and the true (and often immense) benefits it can bring to your organisation, as well as to your personal life, when well implemented.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-30761496238735511152014-01-12T22:14:00.003+00:002014-01-13T23:54:59.381+00:00A new datum?How do you judge a baseline level of understanding? It's totally audience-specific and we should all do our best to adjust our conversation to our audience. I'm getting a sneaky suspicion though, that not everyone's got the message regarding transgender people, that the baseline has moved on a tad.<br />
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Actually, it probably hasn't for everyone (know your audience), but I think most people who have a passing interest in how wonderfully diverse humanity is, have got the most basic message about what being trans is all about. Frankly, if they've not (and there's no reason why that's a bad thing <i>per se</i>) then there's plenty of good information out there for them to perform the briefest of Google searches to bring themselves up to speed.<br />
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It's why it's immensely frustrating to still see the same line of questioning repeating itself during interviews even today. I am so proud to witness the recent wave of highly successful and unapologetically trans people hitting mainstream media. Off the top of my head: Janet Mock; Laverne Cox; Lana Wachowski; Chaz Bono; Cate McGregor; Isis King; Paris Lees; Kristin Beck... Plus so many more who remain outside the public spotlight. All immensely diverse professionally, but every one a fantastic role model (or, "possibility model" as beautifully coined by Laverne Cox) who prove that being trans is just a single component of life.<br />
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Brilliant - all power to them and those they inspire.<br />
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<a href="http://www.elle.com/life-love/society-career/transgender-women-body-image">Janet Mock recently wrote a piece</a> following an <a href="http://katiecouric.com/videos/orange-is-the-new-black-laverne-cox/">interview of Laverne Cox and Carmen Carrera on Katie Couric's ABC talk show</a>. During the interview, Couric twice asks about her guests private parts. Both times she was gracefully told that such prurient questioning is not only deeply personal, but constantly diverts attention from the actual lived experience of trans people around the world. I genuinely thank them for that response.<br />
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<b>Dignity doesn't<i> always</i> mean maintaining ultimate privacy</b></h3>
I don't really blame Katie Couric or any of the multitude of journalists who default to the same narrative and level of questioning. There's a definite positivity to the reporting at the moment and it feels like each reporter sees it as their duty to educate their audience as though from scratch. While their intent is commendable, it results in repeatedly dissecting a trans person in the style of a How Stuff Works article; time and column inches which could and should be used to talk about stuff that matters, while we are coldly broken down into a checklist of medical, surgical and emotional events. Dehumanised just a bit.<br />
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It's tiresome for all of us (seriously, I will bore the tits off you if you really do want the gory details of my transition) and I think there is definite need to move the conversation far beyond that public dissection. That would be a good starting point at least, but even that is probably too simplistic...<br />
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In all honesty, there <i>are</i> still people who don't know How Stuff Works, and many journos I've met have all the best intentions of breaking the perceived ignorance around all stuff trans. We need these allies, and don't underestimate the positive influence they have. There's a very fine line to tread between privacy/dignity and transparency/secrecy.</div>
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Often I feel there is a subconscious but inherent mistrust of trans people, based on the idea that we're maintaining a charade or otherwise have something to hide. (In fact, the law here in the UK is firmly based on the concept of keeping one's gender history confidential, once a Gender Recognition Certificate is issued - More thoughts on that in a later article). One way to overcome this is being totally open about feelings, relationships and the more nuts and bolts elements (pun intended) from a very human perspective. This actually helps to prove the point that there is no charade beyond the life we tried to live before transition.<br />
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So yes, there's absolutely is a place for asking me about my nuts and bolts. But understand that it would very much be a personal choice of mine to share that information and if you open with that, expect a curt response! Would it be any different asking anyone else about the same stuff? As with so many things... it's pretty straightforward if you apply just a hint of empathy. It's about knowing just how personal such a conversation is and I am pretty sure this is the element that is overlooked when the question is casually asked on a daytime talk show or in a women's magazine.</div>
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Assume a new baseline understanding</h3>
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Now's definitely the time to step up the conversation. Can we assume that the audience knows about hormone therapy? They've probably got some idea about the types of surgeries involved. They get that names may have been changed and that people probably look different now (no need for a 'before' photo to prove the case, is there?). Lets go crazy and even assume that they have an inkling that not all of these things are wanted or needed by an individual who identifies as being transgender.<br />
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While we're at it, we <b>must</b> stop talking in terms of 'used to be' and 'is now'. Doing so is most often incorrect and quite misleading. Taking myself as an example; I didn't 'used to be' anything or anyone other than who I am right now... <b>what changed was external perception and an internal radiance of a genuine self. </b> Simplifying it into neat gender binaries of 'one day was this and the next day was this' is both misleading and harmful to an overall understanding; of the sincerity that is inexorably linked to transition.<br />
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So stop it!</div>
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Between us, we need to force the conversation somewhat and assume a new baseline in understanding. If there are gaps in knowledge, I for one am more than happy to help explain; or otherwise we can safely assume that Google and Wikipedia have that covered. If a person in the audience (both metaphorically and practically) gets the feeling that they're lagging behind a bit, they're welcome to catch up.</div>
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Then... only then... can we talk about the stuff that really matters with any impact.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-18446919616026781092013-12-02T23:42:00.001+00:002014-06-21T09:02:06.458+01:00MTFU<div dir="ltr">
Everything I know, I learned from Blackadder. <br>
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At least, that's partially true. If you're what I would call a young'un (as yet uneducated by Blackadder) it's available on Sky Anytime in the UK, so go take a look. There was rich philosophy in the scripts of Curtis and Elton.<br>
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Not only did I pick up a lot of my (barebones) knowledge of history from these series, they also helped instill a sense of finding the ridiculous in the most grave of scenarios. A sense of perspective, without loss of deeper meaning.<br>
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Sometimes that's useful.<br>
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Having been a decade or more in the UK military, I have once or twice come across the concept of, 'man up, wet pants.' (Ahh, Flasheart. I have such a crush on him. Woof! etc)</div>
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Indeed, 'man the fuck up' (MTFU) is a coping strategy I often approve of - with all caveats regarding misogyny, patriarchy and group think, <i>firmly</i> in place. But it's also something I use with caution - it's very short term.<br>
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Incidentally, 'woman the fuck up' could equally be used, but really doesn't have the same ring - hence I use one to cover both, as the emotional concept of digging deep from inside yourself remains the same. Gender binaries is a discussion for another day! </blockquote>
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I think we are encouraged today to open up and not suppress our emotions. To find greater understanding of ourselves and of the world. And that's a brilliant thing. I live my life to that philosophy. <br>
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The concept of a stiff upper lip is rather dated and quite frankly, suppressing is not solving. Let's be open and honest and accept that we are are imperfect people trying to live imperfect lives. Perfectly.</div>
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That doesn't mean we shouldn't be able to see the ridiculous in the difficult. That doesn't mean we can find perspective in what we can't resolve. That doesn't mean it's healthy to over analyse.</div>
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Let me put this in context. I've had my fair share of counselling, of self analysis and self doubt. Self loathing even. I still pay £50 an hour to find an understanding of my feelings and coping strategies for childhood hangovers. These are things I simply can't ignore long-term, hence what I think is an ironically pragmatic way of resolving them (I found a good therapist; someone who explores concepts and isn't just a sounding board). I've experienced a little bit of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) before as well, which when distilled down, could almost include MTFU within some of its philosophy!</div>
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Not so long ago, I was in a particularly low place emotionally. MTFU quite simply wouldn't cut it and I sought help and support from appropriate places, including my closest friends. Except, it wasn't just from my friends. It got to the stage that, seeing no way forward, I would have spilled my deepest concerns upon the postman, had they enquired how my day was. I was desperate; it was that simple. Someone somewhere must have some answers for me and by the gods I would find them...<br>
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It's immeasurably beneficial, psychologically, to confide in someone else and to feel like you've been understood. Perhaps a different perspective will nudge you in a new direction? Where I work, this is often called 'having a beer with your mates'. Others might call it 'phoning your mum/sister/bestie'. </div>
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A danger, I found, is that you can end up endlessly circling the drain. You can go over and over the same problems, perhaps making glacial progress toward a resolution, but wallowing won't be that resolution in itself and can become a very real trap, removing all perspective. In addition, some people simply don't operate in an emotional capacity. That's fine. I've worked with some of them, and they really are lovely people. No, really! Just stick to subjects other than your deepest emotions... Actually, that doesn't always mean that they don't 'get it'. Most do. It's just that talking about it scares them, so you have to tread gently. My point is, that you can have a <i>negative</i> effect if you share too much.</div>
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At some stage, it is both healthy and absolutely necessary to tell yourself to MTFU. <br>
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This achieves a few things. If you can believe in it, then the feeling of self worth you get from digging deep, can outweigh the feelings that have been dragging you down. Also, that extra little spring to your step will have people react differently toward you. More positively. And if they don't, you'll care less. </div>
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Finally, it'll free up your subconscious to refocus on the bigger picture, to find perspective where before there was just a darkness. <br>
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All that comes from MTFU. Short term. It's a springboard, nothing more. But don't dismiss it simply as an insensitive distraction or peer pressure.</div>
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Last month, I shut myself away emotionally. Trying to avoid the temptation to wallow but struggling to find any positives. This week, I've decided to MTFU. Nothing's changed, practically. But my shift in perspective has stopped me from stagnating. <br>
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It has occasionally worked for me anyway. In between hugs!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7961302596699777615.post-76263214749934587452013-03-22T19:09:00.000+00:002013-12-03T00:16:16.519+00:00My response to Bullies. <br />
If you were under any illusion that the mainstream press was being victimised by the mild 'imposition' of LJ Leveson's recommendations, as they would have you believe; or if you thought that the freedom of the press was under threat and that self-regulation was more than adequate as already exists with the Press Complaints Commission, here is just one example why I don't believe this to be the case.<br />
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The article <a href="http://www.newstatesman.com/media/2013/03/press-regulation-freedom-speech-and-death-lucy-meadows" target="_blank">linked</a> describes things quite well, but to summarise; Lucy Meadows is a primary school teacher near Manchester. Before Christmas and after considerable personal distress, Ms Meadows' Headteacher, with the full support of her colleagues, put out a letter to parents and pupils explaining that their teacher (who they'd previously known as male) would be transitioning and returning to work to be known as Miss Meadows. Pupils largely shrugged and parents were also largely supportive of someone reputed to be a very good teacher.<br />
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The Daily Mail took a different view and reportedly paid for stories and photos to be provided from 'shocked' parents and 'scarred' pupils. Many parents provided positive responses of support, but these were entirely ignored in favour of reporting and emphasising any 'shocked' perspective they could to promote their agenda that Ms Meadows was: disturbed, wrong, a danger and confusing for the poor children who would grow up scarred. The headline: "He's not only in the wrong body… he's in the wrong job"<br />
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Elements of the Daily Mail story are still to be found in a Guardian article online.<br />
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Reporter Richard Littlejohn, wrote in the Daily Mail, "Why should they be forced to deal with the news that a male teacher they have always known as Mr Upton will henceforth be a woman called Miss Meadows? The school shouldn't be allowed to elevate its 'commitment to diversity and equality' above its duty of care to its pupils and their parents. It should be protecting pupils from some of the more, er, challenging realities of adult life, not forcing them down their throats. These are primary school children, for heaven's sake. Most them still believe in Father Christmas. Let them enjoy their childhood. They will lose their innocence soon enough." Note the apostrophes in that second sentence. Diversity and equality clearly being highlighted as opposing good common-sense.<br />
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Mr Littlejohn concluded: "Nathan Upton is entitled to his gender reassignment surgery, but he isn't entitled to project his personal problems on to impressionable young children. By insisting on returning to St Mary Magdalen's, he is putting his own selfish needs ahead of the well-being of the children he has taught for the past few years. It would have been easy for him to disappear quietly at Christmas, have the operation and then return to work as 'Miss Meadows' at another school on the other side of town in September. No-one would have been any the wiser. But if he cares so little for the sensibilities of the children he is paid to teach, he's not only trapped in the wrong body, he's in the wrong job." That final line is strangely reminiscent of my experience in the newspapers. But I was the lucky one.<br />
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Lucy had press camping outside her door and hounding her daily life. That almost certainly had an effect on the pupils. Despite complaints and pleading with the PCC from Ms Meadows and on her behalf by concerned members of Trans Media Watch, this was deemed legitimate reporting. Self-regulation. I can't link you to the report on the Daily Mail website, because it was removed yesterday. Self-regulation.<br />
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Yesterday, Thursday 21st March 2013, Lucy was found dead at her home.<br />
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Self-regulation - removing an article after the subject of your reporting kills themselves. It's early days of course, but the Police's statement of "No suspicious circumstances," would imply that suicide was likely. The Sun do still have their version of this story online (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4705509/male-primary-school-teacher-to-have-sex-change.html). I have zero sympathy for a press crying about their rights, their freedom of speech being under threat, or claiming that they hold a moral high ground and that self-regulation works.<br />
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Today, hearing about Lucy's death, The Sun followed this up with the headline, "Sir who became Miss is found dead after return to school." This is the edited 'sensitive' online version; look at the original printed headline in the link (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4854084/Sex-change-fury-primary-teacher-kills-himself-after-return.html#ixzz2OHdBnFqw). Apparently in death, Lucy loses her remnants of dignity to a witty headline. Something which I know for certain invoked a response of, "Well, she was just weird," and worse from Sun readers. <br />
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Sun readers... they include my colleagues and other intelligent people who wouldn't dream of victimising an individual and would likely have been very supportive of Lucy, had they known her.<br />
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But they didn't know her, and they were never allowed to. What they knew was what they know about all faceless transsexual people - people like me - portrayed time and again by the media. What's worse is that there is no counter-balance and any discussion about what being trans really is, is avoided. It's a dirty word. I know this because if the subject ever comes up at work, or often in chat with cis-gender (i.e. not trans) friends, no discussion is entered into. People are too embarrassed or unsure to ask, to find out, and the subject is evaded. The Sun readers, the Daily Mail readers, but (not to discriminate) this includes the readers of any number of other newspapers who ran similar stories, never knew Lucy. They rarely know any trans-person, really, who have little to no voice in mainstream media where they are considered fair game for poking fun at and vilification. And nor will they while Trans is considered a dirty word - a subject too 'adult' for sensitive ears... too embarrassing.<br />
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Lucy wasn't embarrassed. Against this backdrop of 'othering' and misunderstanding in mainstream media and in the mindsets of those consuming it (all of us), she'd found the courage to be herself and continue her important work as a teacher, with the support of her peers and her community... but not of the press.<br />
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Trans is not a dirty word. I think it needs talking about.<br />
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AylaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14323136453967251733noreply@blogger.com1